This morning, if i had said anything, i would probably have started quarrelling with mummy. after so long and after so much i've been telling her, she still doesn't understand.
daddy asked me what i was going to do tomorrow and on sunday, and whether i wanted to come back on saturday night cos if that was the case i wouldn't have to bring my full u to the chalet and risk forgetting anything, and i'll be able to study at home for quiz on sunday. so i said yes and when mummy walked out daddy said that he was gonna come back tonight so that he can wake me and kor tomorrow cos everyone will be out. he also said he was gonna bring me back tomorrow cos it'll be more convenient. then mummy's face changed. she got unhappy for some unknown reason, but i'll guess it's cos i said i wanted to come back and she was already quite unhappy that daddy was gonna come back tonight. i guess she just doesn't want to be left alone at the chalet. i can understand that.
but why can't she understand me? why can't she just try and see things from my perspective and see what kind of problems i'm facing? if i had a choice i might not even want to go cos it's just too inconvenient. i can't blame anyone or anything cos it's just too unfortunate that everything has to clash. i was actually supposed to go to changi tonight, but cos it's nearer to go to new town from home tomorrow, i decided i was just gonna go on saturday after BGI rehearsal, which is gonna last 8 hours (i don't even know how i'm gonna make it past the 8 hours and still have energy for a bbq in the night). so on sunday i have to go to hq from changi, which doesn't even have an mrt station anywhere nearby. why does she seem to be blaming me for everything that has happened, that everything has to clash, that i'm supposedly causing so much problems?
do you think i wanted all this to happen? for the chalet, quiz and BGI rehearsal to happen all in the same weekend?
do you think i feel good that all this is happening?
do you think i could have done anything about it?
why are you getting angry at me for something that i can't even control? jiang yin tells me to see things from your point of view, and yes i am. i know how you feel. but why can't you do the same for me? why can't you just try to see that i can't control any of this, and i didn't want all this to happen. why can't you just show a bit more concern and help me think of ways to solve the problem with me instead of getting angry at me for creating the problems when i didn't even start them, like how daddy never got angry and even volunteered to come all the way back just so he could wake me and kor up the next morning? why can't you just see how much trouble i have to go through just to make it to the chalet and make you happy?
so now, just so that i can make you happy, i have to risk not having time to study, risk forgetting to bring stuff or leaving stuff at the chalet, travel all the way to hq from a place i don't even know how to get to on sunday, rush all the way to changi from clementi just to make it to the bbq. all the inconveniences to make it there when i won't even be able to enjoy myself there. i hope you're happy now.
